My ex-boyfriend got measurably more attractive
and all I got was a dad bod.
Leonardo DiCaprio has a dad bod,
and for whatever reason this is reassuring to me.
Leonardo DiCaprio finally one an Oscar
for his lead role in The Revenant.
Leonardo DiCaprio was almost killed by a bear
in said movie. But alas, he wasn’t.
I Have yet to see The Revenant,
but only because there ain’t nothing special
about a settler who defies death
while NDNs drop like flies around him.