Hindsight

Hindsight- never existed until August

3, 2015.     Someone had painted

over hindsight. But if you paint over

something, it still exists. On some

nights, while the children brush their
teeth, I hide under their blankets and
jump out when they return. I try to
make myself as flat as possible, try
 

not to move as if I have died. Every time, I run out of air. Every time, I realize I don't want to die. Every time, I realize death doesn't care what I want. Sometimes, a child screams, but most of the time, they see my shape or my foot and know I am alive. I wish I had known exactly when my mother would die. As in an appointment. Then I would have moved my feelings earlier. I wouldn't have painted over her mouth. I wouldn't have painted over my heart. Now that it's over, I know the heart doesn't really shatter, but I also can no longer feel it.